With all of the glut of discussion on the topic of marital breakups, it sometimes seems as though almost all of the attention is focused on the impact on the women. Rarely is there any serious look at the negative impact that divorces can have on the men involved in such separations. The fact is that there are probably a number of very good explanations for why there has been very little attention paid to the male perspective on divorce.
Most men learned at an early age that men are expected to keep their feelings inside. Society has ways of making men feel inferior when they discuss emotional issues, so most avoid any serious discussions of that nature with their other male friends. That leads to them internalizing their sadness. Because of male silence on the matter, society has falsely come to believe that divorces impact men far less than they impact women. It's not at all true.
The simple fact is that divorces leave men with feelings of failure, which is one of the hardest emotional issues for any man to confront. This is worsened by the general tendency of society to define men by their accomplishments. Because of that outlook, men lose self-respect when they fail at almost anything, and the biggest failure most people can ever experience is the failure of the marriage union.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
The father-child relationship can make that loss of identity even more pronounced. Mothers often end up with the lion's share of time spent with the kids, which can make it difficult for fathers to maintain their attachments with the children. That often leads to feelings of grief over the loss of paternal familiarity, and a growing level of anger.
The problem with that grief is that most men struggle to properly deal with those feelings. While women are adept at sharing their feelings with their female friends and family member, many men fear that they'll appear weak if they express themselves in that manner. As a result, they often bottle up their emotions, or turn to alcohol or other risky behavior as a way to cope with emotions they don't fully understand.
Depression can often follow. As that settles in, men withdraw from friends and family, sinking farther into their own minds. That can lead to stress, high blood pressure, and other physical difficulties. Without the emotional outlet many women enjoy, men tend to suffer alone and in silence.
For many years, society has focused on how divorces impact women, and paid little attention to men. The struggles of those men to rebuild their lives in the wake of marital catastrophe will continue until society at last recognizes the grief men experience and finally affords them the understanding they deserve.
Most men learned at an early age that men are expected to keep their feelings inside. Society has ways of making men feel inferior when they discuss emotional issues, so most avoid any serious discussions of that nature with their other male friends. That leads to them internalizing their sadness. Because of male silence on the matter, society has falsely come to believe that divorces impact men far less than they impact women. It's not at all true.
The simple fact is that divorces leave men with feelings of failure, which is one of the hardest emotional issues for any man to confront. This is worsened by the general tendency of society to define men by their accomplishments. Because of that outlook, men lose self-respect when they fail at almost anything, and the biggest failure most people can ever experience is the failure of the marriage union.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
The father-child relationship can make that loss of identity even more pronounced. Mothers often end up with the lion's share of time spent with the kids, which can make it difficult for fathers to maintain their attachments with the children. That often leads to feelings of grief over the loss of paternal familiarity, and a growing level of anger.
The problem with that grief is that most men struggle to properly deal with those feelings. While women are adept at sharing their feelings with their female friends and family member, many men fear that they'll appear weak if they express themselves in that manner. As a result, they often bottle up their emotions, or turn to alcohol or other risky behavior as a way to cope with emotions they don't fully understand.
Depression can often follow. As that settles in, men withdraw from friends and family, sinking farther into their own minds. That can lead to stress, high blood pressure, and other physical difficulties. Without the emotional outlet many women enjoy, men tend to suffer alone and in silence.
For many years, society has focused on how divorces impact women, and paid little attention to men. The struggles of those men to rebuild their lives in the wake of marital catastrophe will continue until society at last recognizes the grief men experience and finally affords them the understanding they deserve.
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